Tuesday, May 3, 2011

5 Best and Worst Commercials

Everyone has those commercials that makes them wanna yack.  The ones that make you wonder how such a stupid idea got to the filming stages.  Someone thought this idea was good enough to fund and produce.  The following are my all-time least favorite, and I'm purposefully staying away from the obvious ones, like infomercials that make mindless tasks look like rocket surgery, or prescription drugs whose side effects are worse than the symptoms. Without further ado:

Dude, Get the Sunny D!

There were several different versions of this commercial that aired in the early to mid nineties, and they all followed the same formula:  32-year-old high school kid comes home with friends after some rad physical activity, like rollerblading or ultimate frisbee, and they search through the fridge for some refreshment.  "OJ, purple stuff, soda...FUCKIN' A, SUNNY D!"

9 times out of 10, mom would overhear one of her stupid kid's friends say "Hey, your mom's pretty cool!" That's shameless pandering to the most likely person to buy the sugary battery acid.  If they really wanted to
help out to tell mom how to be cool, they'd tell her to ditch the elastic waistband jeans.

Babe, What Are You Doing?

I could list a few Yoplait commercials that deserve to be on the list (The two chicks trying to one-up each other on describing how good their shitty yogurt cups are), but the following takes the cake:

the guy needs permission from his wife to look through the
refrigerator?  Yoplait knows its main demographic is women, and they
think they need to appeal to us by making us feel empowered, but this
shit is less empowerment and more dictatorship.  Also, giving the
husband the IQ of a golden retriever has been a popular advertising
technique for a while now.  It just needs to die already.

I Knew I Was Someone Special

Possibly the sappiest commercial everIt may give you diabetes faster than the actual candy.

This commercial came out when I was a child, and even then, I would roll my eyes and change the channel.  According to this ad, all these things are good for is making you feel like a good granddad or a special
grandson.  However, I have since discovered after my own research that they are also good for getting your money's worth at teeth cleanings.  Show up with a handful of those little suckers spot-welded to your molars, and you'll leave the dentist's chair knowing that you're someone special.

I Feel Like Chicken Tonight

The cast of this commercial is either a bunch of failed actors who can't find anything better, regular people who will make jackasses of themselves just to be on TV, or (probably) both.  In any case, it makes me a little embarrassed to be human.  Honorable mention in the same category would be the "What would you do for a Klondike Bar?" ads.

Sonic Earz

Are you a nosy, obnoxious bastard?  Do you have to resort to espionage tactics to hear a joke or a conversation, because nobody likes you?  Do you like to gloss over these facts by saying you're merely a bird enthusiast?  Well, have I got the product for you!

Does anyone else get the urge to kick that old man in the gonads?

The following represent my favorite commercials.  The ones that make me forget the fact that I detest advertising and all the cheap tricks that come along with it.  It just goes to show, if you can make someone laugh, you can make them forget they hate you and all that you stand for.

Too Much Kick

When I first saw this spot, I was thinking it was just another lame attempt at humor...Until the punchline.

Tootsie Rolls are Good and Old People are Funny

The first two of this montage are classic.  The Tootsie Roll clip just brings back some of the earliest memories I have.  The second is part of the classic Wendy's "Where's the Beef" campaign. Senility is funny.

Things That Make You Go WTF

Skittles has been coming out with some brilliantly bizarre commercials for a while now.  This one's my favorite.  My sense of humor isn't always derisive.  Sometimes it's just absurd.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Staples also has had a lot of successes in the comedy department.  I was actually looking for the commercial with the senile old lady that thinks the stapler is a camera, but I couldn't find the vid anywhere.  Instead, here's another gem.  It's a lot funnier now that I'm out of school.

Round Round Get Around I Get Around

Between Tom Cruise, the male nurse, and the old folks doing donuts in their Hoveround chairs, this commercial made me laugh harder than it was supposed to. 

That's ten entries, and that's all, folks!

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